I am considered and I consider myself to be a moderately intelligent person, I have insights, Thoughts and beliefs in many subjects. This is why I find it so hard to explain to myself, how is it possible that I keep falling to the same pits. I am the equivalent of a man how J walked, got run over by a truck, spent months in treatments and got run over again the day he leaves the hospital. That’s me with food…
Sometimes I think: “maybe it’s all about my lousy memory”, I just don’t have any other explanation. In some cases I think I just forget that the feed I eat makes me fat! Something in my messed up head does not make the connection, The very simple connection: Food = Fat. So in difficult times I can eat 10,000 calories and eat and eat some more, Everything in reach is now a target of the monstrosity I now am, especially sweets.
So I say to myself “It’s OK, tomorrow is a new day, Tomorrow I will begin a new and successful diet”, So I can use today to satisfy all my cravings and eat as much as I can. I just forget that this one day is so harmful to my diet and it will make my new-successful diet of tomorrow this much more difficult. So I lie to myself and I lie to my trainer out of the fear that he will abandon me or think badly of me, Then I eat again, I eat because I disappointed my trainer and myself. This is just a magic circle.
In some addictions you cannot tell whether you are addicted or not, With eating It’s bound to show, you are just getting fat, Your clothes are becoming a lot smaller somehow and the mirror just won’t go along with your lie. At times like these I hate myself, I feel my clothes tightening and my belly expending, I fill like I’m not me anymore, I’m just a belly, a belly at work, a belly chatting with people, a belly coming home to my kids. My head gets so warped that I can’t think of anything but the belly
This is an awful feeling that I hope none of you will ever feel, I can only advise you to keep yourself as stable as you can, Because days like this can ruin weeks, even months of hard consistent dieting. It is not easy to keep up with diet. Many try and fail becuase it is not easy. There a lots of plans to keep weight off, but most do not work, they are just money eaters. Self belief and determination some times can work in getting the belly fat off.
Roy Graneau DOB 1962 MA,BS in theology studies,tropical plants,herbal medicine, alternative treatment for chronic health problems, research in plant use for health treatment. Freelance writer on: herbs, alternative treatments for chronic illnesses.Weight control
